Scripture: 2 Samuel 14:28 – “So Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem without coming into the king’s presence.” (NRSVue)
When should we forgive? In the Lord’s Prayer, we ask God to “forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Therefore, forgiveness is a daily practice. And when asked how often one should forgive someone, Jesus answers, seventy-seven times. This can also be translated as seventy times seven times. The point Jesus is making is that there should be no limit to how often we should forgive others.
Forgiveness is hard. It does not come naturally to us. It can deny our pain and sense of justice, and it potentially lets others off the hook to hurt us again. But not forgiving has its dangers as well.
In the middle of the stories about King David in the Second Book of Samuel is the tragedy of Absalom. His name means “father’s peace”, but he brought no peace to his father. Absalom’s brother Amnon committed a terrible crime against their sister, Tamar, so Absalom conspired to kill Amnon and then fled from the palace. David was heartbroken, dwelling on the loss of his sons.
Ultimately, David was convinced to call Absalom back from exile, but he refused to see him. It was a kind of half-forgiveness: Absalom’s life was no longer in danger, but the king was still hurting him. After two years, David finally relented and was reunited with his son. But by that time, the damage had been done. Absalom, never able to forgive anyone else, hated his father and eventually fomented a rebellion against David, which led to his tragic end.
What should David have done? If he had forgiven Absalom sooner, the rebellion and later bloodshed could have been avoided. But how can you forgive the man who murders your son, even if he is your other son and even if the first son deserved it? These are questions that make Jesus’ commandment to forgive a lot more complicated than it seems.
There is likely someone in your life who has hurt you, and I bet that harm is pretty complicated. You may bear a grudge against them. They may be a family member who has hurt you again and again. How is God calling you to forgive them? Is it a full forgiveness and a restoration of the original relationship? Is it forgiving without forgetting, maintaining a safe distance between you and the person who has hurt you? Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to these questions, but we still need to ask them. The story of David and Absalom reminds us of the bad things that happen when people do not forgive others, but God does want us to blithely ignore our feelings.
So, you are going to need to pray. Pray every day about it, which is what Jesus commands us to do in the Lord’s Prayer. It may be difficult, but in time, you will discover God’s truth that will lead you to more love and peace in your life.
Prayer: Dear father, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Amen.
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