Scripture: Proverbs 27:10 – “Do not forsake your friend or the friend of your parent; do not go to the house of your kindred in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is nearby than kindred who are far away.” (NRSVue)
If you have not been attending our book study on Voices of Aging: Adult Children and Aging Parents Talk with God by Missy Buchanan, you are missing out. We have been able to talk about our sense of loss and inadequacy, our fears of mortality, and our frustrations with systems that often seem more predatory than helpful, like insurance. Being with friends makes a big difference.
But one big issue that really strikes me is that of distance. In the past, extended families lived in the same community. Aunts, uncles, and cousins were always around to support you. But today, people often move away to go to college, to live with a partner, or to seek opportunities. So, when a parent gets older, the children are not always around to help them with their increasing needs. I know that I struggle with this.
While this creates a lot of guilt and frustration for the adult children, it also means that the aging parent needs to seek other forms of support. And the best source of this is often friends and neighbors. I have seen many of my older friends who have depended on their neighbors to drive them around and to provide them with someone to talk to.
But older adults often have trouble maintaining friendships. Many read the “other sports page” (that is, the obituaries) to see if old friends have passed away. The difficulties of aging often mean less time for social events, and pain and depression can pull people away from their neighbors.
In the Bible, we are reminded of the importance of friends to get us through the toughest times. Proverbs speaks of how a neighbor who is nearby is better than relatives who are far away. So, in the stresses of aging, both aging parents and adult children need to make the extra effort to reach out to their neighbors to maintain those social connections.
This week, pray that you might become closer to your friends and neighbors, no matter how old you are, and take active steps to make it happen. Because it really can be the difference between life and death.
Prayer: Lord, help me to open my heart to those who love me and to depend on those who offer a helping hand. Amen.
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