How Long? - An Autumn Abyss

Scripture: Psalm 6:2-3 – “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are shaking with terror. My soul also is struck with terror, while you, O Lord—how long?” (NRSVUE)

I am at a part in my life when I am relatively healthy. Outside of a bit of insomnia from time to time, there are few times when I sit in my bed and ask God, “why?” But, I know of so many others who feel trapped in bodies that used to be strong and healthy but now must endure the pain of joints that don’t work as well as they used to or debilitating nerve pain that is almost impossible to alleviate or ignore. And others who lie in hospital beds waiting for the okay to go home, awkwardly watching the worst TV imaginable, trying to quiet the fears rattling around in their heads. Still others lie awake, knowing that the cancer is growing inside them and contemplate not the pain so much as the effect it will have on their loved ones. It is at times like these that we most need the message, “God is with us.”

But it is also at these times when God seems farthest away, when our prayers seem to fly unechoed and unheard into the abyss. Unfortunately, this is a rather regular feeling. The “writings” section of the Bible is not about understanding God through commandments, history, or politics, but oftentimes more universal human emotions. The questions are not “why is Israel being punished for its disobedience?”, and more “why am I suffering?” For example, Psalm 6 depicts the cries of someone who stays up all night in pain and fear because of an illness. “Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are shaking with terror. My soul also is struck with terror, while you, O Lord—how long?”

A few years ago, we read a book by Brian McLaren called Naked Spirituality. The title is meant to evoke the vulnerability we feel before God. McLaren breaks up our spiritual life into four seasons. In the spring, our faith is new, and we are full of excitement and possibilities. In the summer, we run into challenges and seek intellectual solutions to make sense of the problems of the world. In the autumn, we realize those solutions often prove empty and we are left with only questions as we feel alone and abandoned. And in the winter, we find a new, deeper spirituality on the other side of our suffering. Sometimes, this winter wisdom leads to a new spring zeal, and the cycle can repeat itself.

As more of a thinker than a feeler, I am deep in the intellectual, problem-solving mode of the summer. But many of you might be in that place of fear and abandonment that the Psalms or McLaren in his autumn mode. This is when the Good News of Christ can be the “best”, for it is when we need it the most.

I suspect there is something in your life that all the things you have been taught or experienced cannot answer. As you lay awake with that cry of “how long?” echoing through your brain, remember that you are not alone. Even in the silence, God hears your prayers. And while it might not always feel that way, your friends and family can be tremendous supports, even if it is just through distant prayer. I believe, there is a winter of new appreciation of God that will come in time.

It is natural to cry out to God in your emptiness. Through prayer and faith, you can still know, even if it is buried by suffering, that God is still with you.

Prayer: Lord, I am full of so much anguish and fear. Listen to my prayers. Remind me that I am not alone. I put my trust in you. Amen.